Another day...

So today came the day when I had to say good-bye to my most beloved cat for the last time. As I sat in the car, with his tiny body in my arms, I could not help but to hope for the car to crash and kill me. His soft mewing from inside the blanket makes my heart ace, I want to save him, want to make him feel better like he always does for me, but I don't know how. I'm having difficulties breathing trough the pain, I'm not even sure if it's physical or mental. My dads just quiet. For once hes acting emotionally appropriate. My mum says he's sad because he can't comfort me. I guess we sort of share a feeling of inadequate-ness.

The vet was a jackass, stupidest piece of shit I ever talked to with no concept of how to handle someone whos sad, she acted like I was seven years old or something. But I couldn't be bothered, at the time I was alredy gone. The great big bubble of glass that tends to swallow me, isolate me, had alredy been lowered down over my head. It was just me and my baby in the whole world, and I had alredy said my good-byes. Nothing to do but to hold him and hope I offer some kind of comfort to him, I pray he's not scared as they give him the injection.

And to Skorpan:
I suppose it was inevitable. I suppose I'm selfish for crying as much as I do because you where tired, and I understand if you wanted to sleep. It just hurts to be without you because you made me so happy and I loved you so much. I hope this was the right decision, and I hope I will see you again.

Love you always and forever ~Josephine

It will end, but when?

It's seriously late. My stomac is hurting, my face is breaking out, my body is twitching from too much sugar. My spine is bent like a bloody fishhook and it feels like it'll pop out of my back any minute. My final project is due later today and I'm freaking out. I'v spent the week hunched over my laptop doing the writing part whilst my pc is burning through my pj pants. I haven't eaten any real food for three days, I'm counting on sugarcubes to keep me going now. My head is throbbing, I feel so unsure about everything and I really don't want to redo. My hands are shaking. Maaan the pressure, I can't wait for this shit to be over and when it is I'm so going to stuff my face.

sick and tired

My tummy has been hurting pretty bad but I figured it was because all of the crappy candy I got in my easter egg but I ate the last of it on like sunday so I figure it should have passed by now so I asked my mum and she said that it might be my appendix and that I should go to the hospital and check it out. I'm scared as hell, what if I have to remove it? It's not like I can't live without an appendix cuz I figure I'll survive that but it's the anaesthesia that freaks me out. I'v only ever had it once before and at the time I was aparently asleep like two houers longer than what they intended for me to be. What if I won't wake from it this time? Then I'll be sleeping for ten years and wake up to find out the world has been taken over by zombies or something like that. Or I'll just die. That would suck pretty bad.

Virtual shop-o-holic

Poupee girl is like crack

I was waiting for you a long time

My urge to shop seams to have returned! I realy want to have lika a lolita sping picnic this year and this outfit ould be perfect with looong princess locks and a cute wicker basket to carry tea and cupcakes in. I simply must make it happen!

Beauty bound in book form

I finaly got my book of Amanos complete prints and I must say I dont think a book has ever made me this happy. I was really exited about it and it was of course delayed so my anticipation keept on rising all week but I am not disappointed! It was worth waiting for, I feel as soft and flowy as his pictures when I flip through it and I'm taken in by the absolute perfection of every line. 300 pages of pure dreamyness. Amano has an ability to inspire me without bringing me down and making me feel as if I should just quit because I will never be as good as him, something no other artist manages to do.