Futuristic hedace

Well, I was going to write a long hime-wig review but some late news sort of bummed me out so now it's just some usual whining.

The acceptans letters from different schools went out today but it seems I had little luck with it, despite applying for so many different programs I didn't end up with a whole lot of choices. I got accepted to a course of culture studies and one for graphic design, I am also a spare for three different law schools but it seems my grades just where not up to par for the psycology and pharmacy classes I really wanted to take. I'm not sure what to do with this comming year now, I kind of don't want to waste loans on moping around campus just to pass time but I doubt my ability to find a fulltime employment since I lack both higher education and much work experience.

Is this what I get for trying to be a realist for once in my life? For trying to get a real adult education to get a real adult job, not dreaming along and applying to art and design schools wich might amuse me for now, but will most likley leave me piss poor in the gutter with debt over my ears as soon as I'm not a student anymore.If that is the case, then screw you life, you're a jerk!

This is why I can't make nice things

Timmar och åter timmar av arbete, spolierat av en impuls, en brist på självkontroll, ett hissy fit. Jag orkar inte mer, det är snart för sent ändå, jag vet inte ens om jag vill längre...Egentligen vill jag nog bara norr ut just nu...

Translation: I just ruined houers of works because I lost my temper and threw a hissy fit.

Kreativ ADHD

Alla kreativa samarbeten har lagts på hyllan och i skolan manglas inget annat än teknik. Nästa vecka är de färglära från 08.15-16.00 varje dag, jag vill inte! Jag vill jobba med något mer inspirerande, något roligt, men min koncentrations förmåga när jag arbetar själv är så gott som på minus. Jag rumsterar runt, hittar halvfärdiga projekt, skisser på tavlor, illustrationer och serier men ungefär där slutar de. Jag plockar lite med dem, lägger papprena i en liten hög någon annanstans i rummet, gör en ny skiss eller två innan jag dyker ner i högen igen, högst ogivande Det enda resultatet är att mitt rum är rörigt. Vi är klara med att arbeta med illustrationer, jag började jobba och skissa på en barn bok (Natur&Kultur tävlingen)trotts att jag ogillade texterna, jag tänkte att de var bara töntigt att inte göra ett försök för 20 000kr men efter redovisningen tappade jag lusten igen. Delvis för att jag fortfarande tycker de är oinspirerande skräp som inte barn borde läsa, dels för att läraren mer eller mindre sa att mina illustrationer inte passade och att man inte kan jobba som illustratör om man inte kan ta sig själv ur bilderna och vara professionell (vilket jag då inte kan alltså). Ouch! Spiken i kistan och pålen i hjärtat, även om de egentligen är precis vad jag visste hela tiden.

Translation:

I'm trying to find an art project to stick to but I can't get exited about anything. I ransack my room, I dig out old sketches just to throw them away again. The only result beeing my messy room. I've given the illustration contest another reluctant go but my art teacher basicly said it's no point. I'm doing it wrong and I could never work as an illustrator unless I stop drawing just what I like. I guess I knew that but it's still kind of harsh to hear it.

sick and tired

My tummy has been hurting pretty bad but I figured it was because all of the crappy candy I got in my easter egg but I ate the last of it on like sunday so I figure it should have passed by now so I asked my mum and she said that it might be my appendix and that I should go to the hospital and check it out. I'm scared as hell, what if I have to remove it? It's not like I can't live without an appendix cuz I figure I'll survive that but it's the anaesthesia that freaks me out. I'v only ever had it once before and at the time I was aparently asleep like two houers longer than what they intended for me to be. What if I won't wake from it this time? Then I'll be sleeping for ten years and wake up to find out the world has been taken over by zombies or something like that. Or I'll just die. That would suck pretty bad.