A longing for spring

I love theese shoes, I love them so much that I might have to get them but if I did I would still have to wait a while to wear them because of the snow. I can't wait for it to melt away so I don't have to wear boots all the time anymore.

Noodle soup

I seem to have gotten myself a really bad cold, it happens about once a year, my annual punishment for refusing to wear pants and seasonaly appropriate shoes. This year it seems to be concentrated to my throat area, it also makes it really difficult to eat, just like when I had glandular fever, my throat gets really swollen, soar and stuffy. Since I'm working this weekend I don't have much energy to do anything else so I'm going to spend Saturday night in bed with noodle soup, my cat and old episodes of Seinfeld and Frasier.

What's everyone else doing this weekend?

The Cursed dress

I loved it from the start, I saw it and knew we where ment to bee! But it seems faith had other things in mind for us. The whole thing started when I, despite using two different shopping services, couldn't find it in stores. Then began the auction hunting, I got outbid, sniped, won only to find a week later that the seller vanished from the face of the eart. Untill I finaly won. The dress made it into the inovice of my shopping service, it got sent of and when it arrived in Stockholm Maria even saw the dress! It was real!

Then I made what seems to have been the fatal misstake, instead of waiting a week untill I was going to stockholm and pick it up for myself, I asked her to send it. I wanted it as soon as possible!

But the week went, and no package for me.

It's monday and no package for me.

If the postal service have lost this for me I might have to kill myself!

Icicle

First of all, I got the job! I'll start in December, just in time for christmas presents. A friend of mine will be working there aswell and the pay is quite good so I'm looking forward to start work and of course to shop until I drop.

Secondly, only two days left on the Kawaiiism/Liz Lisa giveaway so if you haven't alredy voted, please do!
Last but not least, rambeling about clothes! It's really freaking cold here now, it's so windy and snowing just about all the time. I don't know why I never expect it?I miss home where we have an open fire place.

I'm thinking I'll need to buy some sweatshirts and maybe some thicker knits because obviously my blouses and cardigans are not cutting it. I sort of fell in love with this while browsing, cute oversized style with a ginormous ribbon. I think it's by Onespo but I don't know much else, anyone else have some info? Is it old or still available? I sort of like the WC Japan baggy shirt aswell, mostly because it looks comfortable enough to die in but I also find it really funny for some reason. I'm thinking about getting it of the auctions but I'm always so cheap when I'm not buying lolita stuff. The yellow one (the one I like) seems to go for about ¥ 7000 wich is only about half the price of the cardigans and blouses I usualy buy but I'm still hesitant.

Annual closet rant

It's as certain as the tide, with the change of season comes the wardrobe angst. I don't feel like getting dressed latley because of how unhappy I am with how my closet looks. I still like my dresses, they are cute and all but I don't feel they fit the gloomy weather that we're having right now. I want a duller colour pallet of dusty pink and lavender, beige, brown and cream. I think that with some new cardigans and blouses I could make it work for me but winter clothes shopping is so expensive. For the upcoming autumn/winter I would like to acquire a new coat (preferably both a long and a short one), a pair of boots and a stiff brimmed bonnett on top of all the new tops but will I be able to stick to my closet plan? Especially with that God damned re-release of Melty Chocolat and no secure income. Will I have to survive the winter in pastel?

Running out of steam

I'm kind of fed up with working at the moment and that is just after a week of it, I still feel fatigue from my illness and I'm depressed. I don't have much energy or reason to get dressed up and do my hair and make-up either so I feel awfuly ugly, which today was boosted by the fact that the Vice interview we did at the fleemarket was published and turned out to be little more than an excuse to ridicule the style and people who wear it. The comment section is a hailstorm of how fat and barfingly ugly we all are. I know you shouldn't care but I would rather not read or hear it so I wish I wouldn't have wasted my time with that journalist. Leave it to me to be naive enough to think there was some sort of genuine interest and not just for freak show value.

Cooties

So I went to the doctor today to find out what's wrong and it turns out I got glandular fever, or kissing disease, wich really is just all around bad news. I will likley remain sick for another week and fatigue can last for several months. And of course, as per usual with me when I get sick, there is nothing to do but to wait it out.

Cat heater

Vaknar i ottan med magont, jag kan inte avgöra ifall det bara närmar sig min tid i månaden eller om det är ett straff för att jag åt stark mat igår, i vilket fall saknar jag en varm kurrande katt att ha på magen så att jag kan somna om igen.
Translation:
Woke up ridiculously early and my stomach hurts, I miss my warm cozy cat snoozing on it, it always makes everything feel better and I want to go back to sleep like right now.

Olustigt

Profil vecka i skolan igen, fem dagar av bild, mer specifikt porträtt, också fem dagar med min klass. Deras olus gnider av sig som jag vet inte vad, hela deras attityd stinker! Det är som att sitta i ett soprum och jobba, allt är tråkigt och drygt, folk är sura och ingen vill göra något annat än att gå hem tidigt, för bild är ju ändå inget riktig ämne, man kan ju bara droppa in och ut som man vill. Jag förstår inte, vad gör de där om de inte är intresserade av bild? Det är ett bildprogram på en folkhögskola, ingen av dem måste gå där, det ger ingen behörighet för något, det enda det ger är möjlighet att utveckla sitt bildskapande, så varför? Piss och pest, jag behöver inte ha all denhär negativa energin omkring mig, den smittar, allt jag gjort idag är att grunda en duk och skissa Sälens ansikte. Jag slängde på lite färg på fem minuter för att lura migsjälv att jag gjort något kreativt. Jag tror nog jag gör den i akvarell sen, det känns som ett Säligt medium.

Bristen på solsken manifesterar sig i form av mörka rötter och jag gråter över spilld mjölk

Hemma igen efter mitt lov, jag reste söderut och drabbades av "snökaos", min vanliga otur. Det var i vilket fall skönt att vara ledig även om jag känner att jag dragit på mig en begynnande förkylning, eventuellt feber, genom att pulsa runt i mina tea-party skor. Vore inte valutakurserna som de är skulle jag investera i ett par stövlar, nu får jag helt enkelt undvika snön så mycket som möjligt. De finns få väder jag trivs i och nu på vintern är de för kallt, för blött och för mörkt och utan sol förvandlas mitt platina svall till grå råttfärg som bara är ew. Jag inhandlade en blond spray att behandla rötterna med men är de kanske ett tecken på att de är dags att färga? I vilket fall, i min frånvaro blev jag internetlös och utöver social isolering missade jag Halloween eventet på pupe, hur surt jag tycker de är kan knappast beskrivas, bitterheten bubblar i mig när jag ser alla underbara maskeradkläder som min docka inte får. Vad det säger om mig vet jag inte riktigt.

Skuld & Skam

CRASH
Som ur tomma intet, en röd sportbil svänger in mot parkeringen och framhjulet på min cykel är fast. Jag rasar omkull, benet kläms under pedalen, jag hinner inte reagera och huvudet är i asfalten.
Bilen stannar.
Jag sätter mig upp, har fortfarande inte riktigt klart för mig vad som egentligen hänt. När de väl slår mig är min första tanke; KLÄNNINGEN! Är den trasig? Har jag blött på den?
En äldre herre öppnar bildörren och plirar ner på mig. "Du är också ett fordon" är de första han säger. Inombords är jag rosenrasande och vill bara gorma och skrika på gubben, se dig för din jävla idiot! Men jag säger inget, jag bara nickar. "Men de gick ju bra" säger han sen och jag nickar igen. Jag trasslar mig loss ur min cykel och reser mig upp igen, benet gör fruktansvärt ont.
Gubben stänger dörren och kör vidare.
Cykeln är helt sned, nej nej nej, min älskade cykel, de enda som någon annan kommer att bry sig om. De mina tycks aldrig till fullo vara på min sida, det är alltid jag som gjort något fel och så undrar folk varför jag har jante i ryggraden. Jag linkar hem med trasiga strumpbyxor och ymnigt blödande knän, min stackars cykel gnäller olyckligt för varje varv dess skeva hjul rullar och jag skäms. Jag har precis blivigt påkörd och jag skäms. Av alla idiotiska sammanhang där denna än mer idiotiska känsla manifesterar sig tror jag detta måste ta priset.

Translation:
An entery about guilt and shame. I got hit by a car pulling out of the parking lot today and I'm suprised by my own reaction. I find myself worrying about getting blood on my dress or tearing it up, about what my parents will say about my bike. I walk home with a crooked, squeking bike and bleeding knees and feel so embarrassed. I just got hit by a car and I'm ashamed.

Grumpy

I'm in such an awful mood, I just want to have a little fun but everything feels like such a chore, I don't know what would make it better. I need to buy tickets for sthlm soon, I'll probably leave on friday since Sara guilt tripped me into it. I hope it will be fun but I think that there is, once again, some ppl I don't wich makes me nervous. I also don't know what to pack, I'm so tiered of my clothes at the moment, I don't want cute prints, I want black! I am also annoyed since I noticed another Angelic Pretty dress with a seam that needs to be fixed, I though I was paying for quality? Wonder if peopel will dissaprove if I show up wearing a trashbag.

Me, my face, and I

I would never claim to be a self confident girl, but for the most part I don't hate the way I look either, I feel like I can work with it. But it needs just that, WORK! Freckels needs to be covered, pale eyelashes needs to be painted, thin hair needs to be teased and the bangs have to be immaculate. There are more things that don't belong in my face, like the slight bump on my nose, the flat part of my chin and the dark cirkels around my eyes, but theese are things I can not fix, just hide. My face, as it is, is not how I picture myself. Even though I often see myself without makeup or styled hair I feel like I'm not myself when I get out of the shower or wake up in the morning, I'm not even a person, just raw material.
Why am I so empty?

sick and tired

My tummy has been hurting pretty bad but I figured it was because all of the crappy candy I got in my easter egg but I ate the last of it on like sunday so I figure it should have passed by now so I asked my mum and she said that it might be my appendix and that I should go to the hospital and check it out. I'm scared as hell, what if I have to remove it? It's not like I can't live without an appendix cuz I figure I'll survive that but it's the anaesthesia that freaks me out. I'v only ever had it once before and at the time I was aparently asleep like two houers longer than what they intended for me to be. What if I won't wake from it this time? Then I'll be sleeping for ten years and wake up to find out the world has been taken over by zombies or something like that. Or I'll just die. That would suck pretty bad.