Confidence Booster

I haven't been feeling to great about myself latley, my skin is not what it used to be due to stress and the heat and the sun and my hair is a mess. I bought a wig to cover it for now and when I can aford it I'll schedule time at the hairdressers.

Dead never looked this good

Last day of school is all fun and games and dressing up. My class is zombies, I think we did a pretty kick ass job even though we didn't win. It was pretty expected, we wheren't in it to win it, we just wanted to have a good time and I think we got it.

I can't belive it's just about over now, we have had some great times, I'll really miss all of them... I hope we will keep in touch in some way.

Gustav III

Just got home from a weekend in STHLM, at large it was a catastrophe, I hate to spend time with my dad and my brother, it's like being part of one of thoose angsty british comedy shows where you don't know if you should laugh because it's so absurdly uncomfortable or have a nervous breakdown.

But the whole weekend wasn't a failure, the balle was just beautiful! The dancing, the clothes, the story, it was all exactley to my likeing. I eaven sort of kind of fell in love with the dancer portraying the king. I'm such a dork but I have a hard time resisting the look of 18-19th century fashion, especialy on men, I find mens fashion nowdays to be dreadfully unatractive. Jeans are taking over the world and I'm not likeing it one bit!

The one thing I didn't quite get was that the very last scene was like two ppl dancing in really tight skincoloured tights (it looked like they where naked, I acctually gasped when they got on stage), what the hell did that have to do with anything?

Obsession of the day

Angelic prettys Fruit parlor print REALLY speaks to me, the broad, vertical stripes in blackXpink, the sugary sweet print and the adoreble heart detail on the chest, I just LOVE it! And the shortlseeve hoodie with huge poofy sleeves and white on black polkadots, my favourite! But of course both of them are sold out. I'm not sure when AP started to take over my wardrobe but in a way it concerns me. AP is dificult to get ahold of from the stores since their so popular and on auktion the stuff is usualy overpriced. I have always thought it was a bit silly how so many lolitas go crazy for their stuff and now I'm part of the mob, wtf?

Another day...

So today came the day when I had to say good-bye to my most beloved cat for the last time. As I sat in the car, with his tiny body in my arms, I could not help but to hope for the car to crash and kill me. His soft mewing from inside the blanket makes my heart ace, I want to save him, want to make him feel better like he always does for me, but I don't know how. I'm having difficulties breathing trough the pain, I'm not even sure if it's physical or mental. My dads just quiet. For once hes acting emotionally appropriate. My mum says he's sad because he can't comfort me. I guess we sort of share a feeling of inadequate-ness.

The vet was a jackass, stupidest piece of shit I ever talked to with no concept of how to handle someone whos sad, she acted like I was seven years old or something. But I couldn't be bothered, at the time I was alredy gone. The great big bubble of glass that tends to swallow me, isolate me, had alredy been lowered down over my head. It was just me and my baby in the whole world, and I had alredy said my good-byes. Nothing to do but to hold him and hope I offer some kind of comfort to him, I pray he's not scared as they give him the injection.

And to Skorpan:
I suppose it was inevitable. I suppose I'm selfish for crying as much as I do because you where tired, and I understand if you wanted to sleep. It just hurts to be without you because you made me so happy and I loved you so much. I hope this was the right decision, and I hope I will see you again.

Love you always and forever ~Josephine

It will end, but when?

It's seriously late. My stomac is hurting, my face is breaking out, my body is twitching from too much sugar. My spine is bent like a bloody fishhook and it feels like it'll pop out of my back any minute. My final project is due later today and I'm freaking out. I'v spent the week hunched over my laptop doing the writing part whilst my pc is burning through my pj pants. I haven't eaten any real food for three days, I'm counting on sugarcubes to keep me going now. My head is throbbing, I feel so unsure about everything and I really don't want to redo. My hands are shaking. Maaan the pressure, I can't wait for this shit to be over and when it is I'm so going to stuff my face.

sick and tired

My tummy has been hurting pretty bad but I figured it was because all of the crappy candy I got in my easter egg but I ate the last of it on like sunday so I figure it should have passed by now so I asked my mum and she said that it might be my appendix and that I should go to the hospital and check it out. I'm scared as hell, what if I have to remove it? It's not like I can't live without an appendix cuz I figure I'll survive that but it's the anaesthesia that freaks me out. I'v only ever had it once before and at the time I was aparently asleep like two houers longer than what they intended for me to be. What if I won't wake from it this time? Then I'll be sleeping for ten years and wake up to find out the world has been taken over by zombies or something like that. Or I'll just die. That would suck pretty bad.