måndag 7 april 2008

Another day...

So today came the day when I had to say good-bye to my most beloved cat for the last time. As I sat in the car, with his tiny body in my arms, I could not help but to hope for the car to crash and kill me. His soft mewing from inside the blanket makes my heart ace, I want to save him, want to make him feel better like he always does for me, but I don't know how. I'm having difficulties breathing trough the pain, I'm not even sure if it's physical or mental. My dads just quiet. For once hes acting emotionally appropriate. My mum says he's sad because he can't comfort me. I guess we sort of share a feeling of inadequate-ness.

The vet was a jackass, stupidest piece of shit I ever talked to with no concept of how to handle someone whos sad, she acted like I was seven years old or something. But I couldn't be bothered, at the time I was alredy gone. The great big bubble of glass that tends to swallow me, isolate me, had alredy been lowered down over my head. It was just me and my baby in the whole world, and I had alredy said my good-byes. Nothing to do but to hold him and hope I offer some kind of comfort to him, I pray he's not scared as they give him the injection.

And to Skorpan:
I suppose it was inevitable. I suppose I'm selfish for crying as much as I do because you where tired, and I understand if you wanted to sleep. It just hurts to be without you because you made me so happy and I loved you so much. I hope this was the right decision, and I hope I will see you again.

Love you always and forever ~Josephine

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